By Dr Susy Ridout
Following my experience of domestic violence and sexual violence, my recovery journey has constantly changed, with ups and downs and many unpredictable moments, good and not-so-good; probably much like that of many other victim-survivors. Whilst I was not so aware at the outset of what I needed in order to regain control of my life, different opportunities gradually emerged. Collectively, the experiences that enabled me to rebuild my confidence and find my voice have included: discussing language and terminology imposed on victim-survivors by outsiders to describe our experiences and locating this in context; exploring similar and different experiences with other victim-survivors; presenting papers in webinars; contributing at conferences; running training; sitting on a survivor steering group; and authoring chapters, articles, and books. These activities have helped me validate who I now am, and inform who I want to be.
Yet as victims, our recovery is not easy, and it is unique. It is made more difficult because society does not always wish us to be reintegrated when we do disclose. The general situation is more likely to be that individuals, services and institutions are unaware of who we are or what we have been subjected to. Nevertheless, prevailing outsider attitudes and behaviours can make us feel excluded and unworthy by not accepting us as the valuable individuals that we always were prior to being attacked, or by acknowledging that we still have important roles to play. Society and individuals frequently prevent opportunities for our inclusion apart from providing space to hear the voice of outsiders to our experiences who blame and shame us for something that was not our fault.
The awkwardness and embarrassment conveyed by outsiders as they do not know how to relate to us negate our lived difficulties in relation to our well-being throughout our recovery. An additional element to factor in is the very real concern that many individuals are informed only by the myths propagated by those who do not support us. However, sexual violence has no bounds; anyone can become a victim, so it is in everyone’s interest that we build a society that has positive attitudes at its core and which encourages and embraces healthy conversations around misogyny. Discussions should focus on issues such as consent; misogyny; gender stereotypes; mental health; how misogyny impacts on women and men (girls and boys); the use of online platforms; and how parents can support their children. Self-preservation and recovery require safe spaces for these discussions with the aim of establishing positive action.
To date, I have had several encounters with high-profile individuals within education, research funding bodies, and the health sector, who have made derogatory and inappropriate comments regarding my being a survivor; they have questioned whether I am capable of contributing to society anymore, or ‘whether I am better now’. As I result, I felt that I wanted to start an organisation with other neurodivergent survivors and our allies as I know that as victim-survivors our vulnerability often arises through not having our voices heard or understood. Collaborations provide an excellent opportunity to build and exchange knowledge and raise awareness. For this reason, Lotus Collaborations was born.
The aim is to establish a wide array of collaborative ventures with different communities, professionals and institutions around themes to do with recovery from sexual violence. Lotus Collaborations would seek to inform people from all walks of life that there is no single pathway for recovery, and we will draw attention to unique issues that we encounter as neurodivergent victim-survivors who are often placed in our way. Training others on the importance of developing tools and strategies to help you learn to navigate throughout the remainder of your life is critical, and your recovery is easier the more people you have around you to support you.
There is a lot of proactive work around gender-based violence (although vastly underfunded). However, many of us who are survivors, often have restricted moments to voice our stories. Having disclosed that we are victims, we may wish to have our experiences heard and really listened to, and this is critical in informing and shaping services; we have an essential part to play in changing society; and we have a role in educating the many individuals who are not aware of gender-based violence, its prevalence and its impact on individuals, families, and communities. Our insider expertise is essential in this, and it is my vision and hopes that allies will collaborate with us to establish an assortment of exciting and inclusive projects and activities to meet the needs of diverse individuals and communities.
This website brings the opportunity to collaborate by becoming a director, or by participating in numerous ways and the directors welcome your thoughts and ideas regarding different activities and events. If you would like to contribute in areas that tap into your strengths and interests or are interested but not sure how you would fit in, do contact info@lotuscollaborations.org for a wider discussion. I look forward to hearing from you, Susy.
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